If I was to write a contemporary adaptation of Conrad's Heart of Darkness I would make it cute, furry, and gear it towards kids. Yeah that's right, towards children. How could I do this?... By making Marlow a koala and Kurtz a panda (specifically a red panda)!!! Genius right? But the fun doesn't stop there... I would make all the characters furry animals so adorable they would warm Adolf Hitler's heart. And just when you thought I was finished... I would also cut out all the corruption, killing, raping of natural resources, racial prejudice, etc. and promptly replace it with sunshine, rainbows, and the power of friendship. To close the novel I would give the story a happy ending. This would definitely give kids a good look at what the world is really like. Picture this... Marlow the koala has been sent by the koala king to go up the gum drop river to bring toothpaste to Kurtz the red panda. Kurtz has been eating too much of the candy canes that he was sent to harvest and now has a cavity (see the story can also teach kids good personal hygiene). On the way up the gum drop river into candy land's interior Marlow the koala meets all sorts of interesting characters like the guinea pigs whom the koalas have enslaved through the power of friendship and are now helping, out of love, to harvest candy cane for everyone to share. Marlow the koala eventually makes it up the gum drop river and gets Kurtz his toothpaste to help fight those big bad cavities.... oh yeah and everyone lives happily ever after forever. The end.... Have I changed the world?
No... That story would be stupid. But why? Parents lie to their kids all the time. They tell them they're special (when in reality they're just like everyone else), that they can do whatever they set their minds to do through hard work (I'm kinda starting to think I'll never be elected president), and, the biggest fib of all, that people are good. Man is evil at his core. We may know right from wrong but that fact doesn't matter when we can justify wrong by changing what's right. Darkness within darkness is the human position. The sooner an individual realizes that the better.
Of course maybe I should write an adaptation of Heart of Darkness like the one I've described, watered down/censored. Everything is watered down these days anyway and not just when it comes to children. We are all being shielded from the darkness that lurks in the interior. but pretending its not there doesn't make it any less real.
So maybe I should dilute it down with all the good i can muster... or maybe I should make Marlow a koala and Kurtz a panda and leave the rest of the story as it is. Too bad that would kill my chances of it becoming a Disney movie.
